This past August (2012) I accepted a job at a middle school in Oak Cliff, which is an area in south Dallas. This area does not have the best reputation. When I tell people that I am a teacher, their reaction is something along the lines of, "Oh great! Good for you!" and then they always ask where. When I say, "Oak Cliff," their reaction turns to this:
And for good reason. This is a very angry neighborhood, with very angry kids and parents. The kids don't have enough to eat, they don't care about their grades, and they certainly don't care about their behavior. When I went through new teacher training in August, I listened to Harry Wong, a very well-respected former teacher and public speaker, tell us about CLASSROOM PROCEDURES. He said if you just have excellent CLASSROOM PROCEDURES, you will have an easy breezy year. I am here to tell you that
HARRY WONG IS A BIG FAT LIAR.
Harry Wong never worked in a school like this. I have excellent classroom procedures. I greet my students at the door with a smile. The students are to come in at the beginning of every class, get out their theatre journals, and do the Bell Work that is posted on the white board. It is a quick write, 3-5 sentences on the question posted. If they finish early, they are to read silently while I take attendance and get ready for class to begin. Then we start instruction. If they have questions, they are to raise their hands. If I need their attention, I say, "Actors, Actors!" and they are to respond with, "Yes, Yes!" They know the procedure for moving the tables and chairs when we go into "Activity Mode." They know the procedure for walking to the auditorium. At the end of every class, we say a chant. "Respect each other, respect the teacher, respect the stage, respect yourself! Drama rocks!"
But none of this happens.
Don't get me wrong, some of my 6th graders are sweethearts and are still in that "eager to please" stage. But when we practiced our procedures at the beginning of the semester, I have students who just sit there and do nothing. I said, "Ok, we are going to practice this until I have 100% of you saying the chant!" or whatever it was we were practicing. I had private conferences to find out why they weren't doing as they were asked. Maybe they were confused? No. They are just defiant. I scheduled parent meetings, counselor meetings, tutoring, detention, office referrals. Nothing works. They come right back with the same attitude. They just refuse to participate. Or worse, they are very vocal about how stupid they think the activity is. You would think, since I taught theater, that I would have the fun classes! When we did monologues, about 50% of my students said, "Miss, I am not prepared. I will take a zero." I said, "Just try! If you get up there and say words, I will give you participation points." They wanted a zero. It made them look cool and tough. Throughout the year, I created a website and posted lots of photos to Twitter and Instagram of all the fun we had in class. I wanted to praise the good ones. But I have been miserable. Every day.
On this campus, if two students bump into each other in the hallway, they don't say excuse me. They fight. If I reprimand a student in the hallway for yelling, squeaking shoes, flickering lights, cursing, etc. They don't stop to listen to me. They run. In the past I have run after them, but if I don't know their name (which is likely, in this school of 1500 students) or they're faster than me, they get away with it. One time, I heard a girl crying in the bathroom. After making sure the rest of the bathroom was empty, I went to her stall and said, "Sweetheart? Are you ok?" No response. I tried again. "Young lady? Do you need help?" After a long pause, I was about to give up. Just as I was about to leave, she yelled, "BITCH GO AWAY!!" I'm telling you, they're angry.
The final straw came a couple of weeks ago. A young lady with bright purple hair dropped some string cheese in the hallway. This young lady dropped the cheese and then walked away. I followed her into the stairwell and said, "Young lady, please come pick up this cheese. I have a napkin and a trashcan in my room." She ran. I followed her down the stairs. I was NOT going to pick up that cheese myself. I hope you laugh as you read this, because I am laughing as I write it. However, on the day it happened, I was furious. So I get to the bottom of the stairs and she is nowhere to be found. I go into the nearest classroom, which happens to be the band hall. I find her. I say to the band director, "Ms. Smith! This young lady dropped some cheese in the hallway upstairs. When I asked her to pick it up, she ran. Could you please send her up to get it?" Ms. Smith was very firm with her and sent her back up. By then I had retrieved a napkin and was waiting at the top of the stairs with a trashcan. I basically did all the work for her. She grabbed the napkin from me hatefully, rolled her eyes at me, and picked it up, throwing it into the bin as if she were trying to make it blow out the bottom of the trashcan. I said, "Thank you. If this happens again, could you please speak to me calmly about it? Then we could avoid all of this." She responded with, "WELL, I'M NOT A VERY CALM PERSON." I said, "I can see that. You should work on that." And then I said something about how she won't get very far in life without respect, blah blah blah it's not important. She was gone anyway.
Right then and there, I decided I was not going to be spoken to that way for the rest of my life. She had to pick up the cheese, yes, but she got away with speaking to me and her band teacher in that tone. And she will continue to speak that way to people forever. I have seen students speak to the assistant principal this way and get away with it. They have no fear, and no respect for others, adults or their peers. These are just a couple of my horror stories. I have had many fights in my classroom, broke up huge fights in the courtyard, have had my life threatened, had a student who had a hit list discovered on him, among many other things. I do not feel happy or safe here, and it's time to go. I have had talks about retaliation, about doing the right thing, about fairness, bullying, everything with all of my classes. I worked very hard to create an atmosphere where they felt safe to talk about these issues. In return, I get blank stares and rolled eyes. They think it's dumb to be fair or settle an argument calmly with words. If I felt that I was making a difference (a la Michelle Pfeiffer) I would stay. But I think there is someone out there who CAN make a difference, so I have vacated my position for them.
Quick soap box moment: If you know a teacher and think they have it easy because "they have summers off," I hope this post has convinced you that you might be mistaken. Imagine making a big presentation at work, and how nervous you get and how much you prepare. This is every day for a teacher. Imagine getting spoken to like you're filth, like you're nothing. This is every day for a teacher, at least one in an urban district. On top of this, most take up summer jobs to make ends meet. My parents made it look easy. It is not. Hug a teacher. I need a hug. (Ok, I'm off my soap box.) Please note that I am not criticizing Dallas ISD, or my campus. I am grateful for this opportunity, and I know my campus leaders and the leaders in the district are doing the best they can with what they have. I might be willing (in a few years) to take my EXCELLENT classroom procedures and high-tail it to a different district. But I need a year or two to breathe. I am extremely jealous of the teachers who are finishing up their year with posts like, "I am crying as I say goodbye to my kids!" "I know now that this is what I am meant to do!" "I will miss their little faces!" "My kids got me a gift!" Ugh. My kids probably hope they won't ever see me again. And hopefully, they won't.
So I'm seeing this as a wonderful opportunity. I am much more patient and tolerant now. I learned many life lessons. I expanded my view of the world around me. I worked for 2 years to get certified and find a teaching job. I reached that goal, and decided it is not for me. Now it is time for a new goal.
Goals for this summer and the future (even the silly ones you don't care about but I want to get written down):
- Become a skilled guitar player. I picked up the guitar I borrowed from my dad last night and remembered all the chords, but I was very slow and my fingers hurt like the dickens!!
- Learn Spanish (and French... but let's be realistic here and begin with Spanish.)
- Find a career I am passionate about that gets me to leap out of bed in the morning (wouldn't we all like to find that? Congrats to you if you have!) I picture myself like Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angels. I would like that scene to be my morning ritual.
- Travel abroad again. I am itching to go on (another) life-changing trip! Paris is my next destination. Or maybe Switzerland. Ok, I can't decide yet.
- Earn my Actor's Equity card.
- Go to church (I would NOT have made it through this year without my faith that everything is in His plan. But I need to get my butt to a church.)
- Go on a national tour with a theater company
- Write a play (or some kind of narrative) about my experience as a teacher
- See all 50 states
- Create more YouTube videos that showcase my makeup skills, singing ability, and acting
- Create blog posts on a regular basis
- Wash my face and brush my teeth every night because I'm getting old... ew
Resolutions don't work for me. I never keep my New Year's promises, or birthday promises to myself. Here is my opportunity to start over. Donald Miller says, "If no one would make a movie about your life, then you're not living a very interesting life." So here's to making my life a GREAT story (NOT the one from the movie Dangerous Minds)!
I am still Chasing the Dream. I'm just trying to figure out what that dream is.
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